Today is the 2nd anniversary of my c-section. It is also my daughters 2nd birthday. These two events happened at the same time, yet are different. The first was a life changing traumatic event that I will never be completely "over", that has made me cry, grown as a person, it has made me learn, and reach out to help others. The second was a life changing blessing that mas made me cry, grow as a person, and has also made me swell with love beyond my wildest dreams. See, the same, but different.
This year was honestly harder than last year. Most likely because I was lucky enough to experience all childbirth had to offer, and it really makes me miss those first few moments with my first born, those moments that I can't remember clearly. I don't really remember the first time I saw her, nursed her, or held her. Its all quite a blur.
Thinking back on G's birth, reminds me of watching a horror movie. (and not just because of all the blood) You see the girl run up the stairs, and you yell at the TV "don't go up there!" She picks up the phone "of course the call is coming from INSIDE the house" When I relive the day she was born, my now knowledgeable and informed self yells things! "Don't go in for an induction, wait for her to pick her birthday" , "Don't let them break your water" , "Get up off that bed and move" , "You CAN do this!"
Several times today I have found myself thinking "If I knew then what I know now.........................." Well, If I had all that knowledge then, I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't be passionate about education during pregnancy, about fitness during pregnancy, doulas, drug free childbirth, or passionate about VBAC. So, even though my day started out with a few tears, I'm ending it knowing that G's birth was supposed to happen exactly as it did. Because of that, I have a beautiful, stubborn, smart, playful and vibrant little toddler. And for that, I'm thankful.
